Mono-logo Guy

Oh Agbala, does the village not sound so prosperous? These noises, the laughter, the cries. How I do wish to dearly join in. Is it not a joyful day today? The day after I saved Ezinma. I felt such.. joy knowing I had a part in saving her life. Yet I cannot stop this weariness, this bitterness inside me. Oh, night is steadily coming and the sun has been taking over by the moon. I feel the shivers coming closer and closer. My tracks are slowing and my skin seems to reflect the earth. This is the life I was fated to have. From the ends of this earth to the vast dip of the sky, these wrapped blankets of soil seem to reflect and cover me. My body is turning for you. But what is this bitterness I sense me. I know no contempt but it hurts. I just want to stop. I.. I .. I just want to be someone who can be free to join in and live. But I know. It is my fate to help those in need, to those that need help to fulfill their destiny. But I cannot help.. but feel jealousy and envy. Ah, my soul, my soul. My broken shell of a soul. The heavens have spoken and my will is taken. Your presence wraps itself around me and I know. This, my body, is but a tool for your messages. This bitterness is swallowing me and I cannot breathe for anymore. But I know and I understand. This is my fate, this is my destiny. This is the role I was meant to have. In this raging storm, and perhaps roaring sea somewhere, I am but a beacon. Yet I am lost. But I know, I must begin what I never ended. Because I know, wno matter where I am or how hurt I may ever feel, no matter how much bitterness is welled up in me or how much weariness I feel, I must carry on and continue my line of duty, because this, is where I belong.

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This was Chielo, talking to the Oracle. There are changes because I omitted some parts and added bits and pieces. As well, I used two pieces of different ideas that I wrote and spoke my monologue as so. Therefore, it is going to vary in places. =)

A Normal Man

My first image when someone says the word hero is a vast blue sky with puffy white clouds and a peaceful atmosphere. Then, in comes my dad wearing a superman suit which I can never imagine to the detail point of how my father can even fit in that suit. Nonetheless, it gives me an edge of humour when I think about heros. This type of thinking started when I used to have nightmares and was to the point of insomnia because I would not sleep for the fear of the images my mind produces when I fall asleep. To combat that, my father would tell me when I dream of such frightening nightmares, I should produce an image of him flying into the scary scene and perform "an act of awesomeness" to save me. Of course, as a child, I did scoff mentally, thinking of how in the world would I be able to control my dreams to make my father appear if I cannot even stop my nightmares; however, I never did tell him my opinion and let him believe I was a gullible girl. Nevertheless, that image has been on my mind since I was young and has never left my side. As such, a hero has become to me a person who is capable of mistakes yet still a man, or woman, trying every opportunity and using every angle to help or save another person in need. 

Okonkwo in my definition never quite made it to the top of the building. He never became a hero in my eyes; he was, instead, a perfectly normal man. I have said in my essay that he was a hero of his people yet a coward of his heart. While that may be true for the first few chapters of the book, it does not hold statement for the rest of the novel. Indeed, Okonkwo was a hero to his people for bringing power to their name, but in the end, he could not hold onto that status. He gave up his life for a change his society has adopted. This suicide has given me a thought of Okonkwo's hero status which was determined solely by his clan. He was declared a hero for bringing prestige to his clan's name yet the characteristics of a hero determined by me has yet been fulfilled. 

Okonkwo has never really done anything to help anyone except for his own gain which is usually to show that he is not weak like his father. For example, he did love Ikemefuna, but to him, the importance relied heavily on his name. Therefore, Okonkwo aided in the murder of Ikemefuna because he did not want to be weak. This is a man who is capable of making mistakes and someone who faced forked roads like all of us. This is what made him be viewed, to me, as a normal man who made his own decisions, whether right or wrong, and tried to continue living on despite everything. Even though Okonkwo did fail to grasp that rope of life, he chose the way to end himself and the reason why. May that reason be superficial or justified, Okonkwo has still been seen as a normal man with burdens and mistakes carried on his back in my eyes. Therefore, he is not a hero to me and probably never will be because he has shown me that his character is not fit for my definition of hero. As such, he will be remembered as a normal man, in my mind. 

The Misery of Being Him

In Kim Edwards' heart-breaking novel, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, there is one major conflict that causes the book to unravel its story. From the very start, we are introduced to Dr. David Henry who makes a mistake that leaves him to question himself for the rest of his life and the novel. It is very captivating in the way Edwards has captured the image of a broken man who is, in reality, a coward. Dr. Henry chooses to coldly disconnect his relationship with his newborn daughter and abandons her with Coraline, the nurse because she has Down Syndrome. His reason was to not be hurt once more when his daughter dies because of this disease. One of the ways he reason with himself is using the case of his sister who died at twelve because of an illness that caused her heart to defect, to harden his heart.

So, Dr. Henry, apathetically, sends his daughter away. Since then, this incident has always been on the mind of Dr. Henry. This begins the idea of man vs self. As the book progresses, Dr. Henry starts to question the actions he made that night he chose to send his daughter to an orphanage. He starts to doubt and pain comes through him. He cannot tell anyone and he must suffer alone for his mistake. And it is in this circumstance that the idea of man vs self begins to show itself. However, with all the doubt he is facing and the pain he starts to feel, it seems to not be enough for his burden. Outside components begin to trap him as well. One of the most painful reminders he must face everyday is his wife who is trying to bravely go on with life even after Dr. Henry had told her a lie. This lie, of course, was that fact that her daughter was dead which of course, the readers know it is not true. And it is this lie that leads to the downfall of Dr. Henry's perfect little family of happiness or really, his imagination of a perfect family.

I do not know of the ending but the further I read, the more tear-jerking and thought-provoking scenes come alive. It is this act of cowardice that changes the lives of everyone in the novel and it is the same act that I cannot digest properly in my mind. The more I read, the more conflicted I am. Kim Edwards brings this "man vs self" into life and David Henry's misery of committing this act gets through to the readers but it hurts my soul. It is in this that I congratulate Edwards for bringing a character of really, a normal, ordinary adult who in his deepest, darkest hours into this world. Plus, with this conflict, I am sure many of us can relate because many of us, including me, have, I'm sure, that have committed a mistake that changed our lives completely. Perhaps, it was good, yet perhaps, it could have been like David Henry who made this mistake destroy his life.

The World of White

Postcolonialism is a very difficult term to define as I find that there are many other meanings this term supports. This term could mean a "discourse concerning reaction to and the analysis of the cultural legacy of colonialism" (Ms. Henrickson), although the meaning of that confuses me. One definition I found that seems to be able to summarize what postcolonialism was from Ania Loomba et al. said: "[Postcolonialism is] the shifting and often interrelated forms of dominance and resistance; about the constitution of the colonial archive; about the interdependent play of race and class; about the significance of gender and sexuality; about the complex forms in which subjectivities are experienced and collectivities mobilized; about representation itself; and about the ethnographic translation of cultures" (1).
To me, that quote explains a lot about postcolonialism. This term is what I believe defined racism, sexism and the like. It is from this theory that grew the classes of good and evil, white and black, superiority and inferiority. Of course, feelings of superiority have been existing already when this term was invented but the whole matter behind postcolonialism emphasizes this distinct difference.
Postcolonialism is a bunch theories stacked together and is something that affects our culture and the world. It is the feelings of being different from what the World believes as of the elite and thus, being categorized as inferior.
Colonialism is the period when colonies were established, especially by the British Empire. And through this colonization, feelings of superiority erupted. The period after Colonialism was, indeed, postcolonialism or as scholars call "post-colonial". This period was, I found, the time where colonies try to find their legs and stand up on their own as in the case of India. However, besides my aforementioned explanation of postcolonialism, the term has also been used or identified as "Third World literature" (1). These pieces of literature described the conditions of third-world countries and exploit their differences from the culture the World considers as the standard, which, of course, is the culture of the English.
Through this exaltation of the English culture, any subject of different cultures were considered inferior. In such case, an example could be being different of skin colours such as an African. An African would be considered lowly and unworthy because he or she was black and not white. Another example would be the culture of the Chinese. We are considered barbaric because we eat everything from snakes to dogs to sharks. People or things different from the culture of the "Whites" are considered inferior because we or they are not part of the culture the World considers as the standard, the norm.


One prime example would be the advertisment from Amnesty International.

This picture shows of how the Chinese in this case are being degraded. Here, the Chinese are shown as barbaric people who have no remorse in killing another. We are shown as people who make life and death a game and we smile as we play this dangerous game. The caption also says that we have no human rights and the Chinese does not care about individuality and consider each other as humans. And as this advertisment was made from France/Europe and was made to gain public interest, I believe this degradation of the Chinese has certainly aroused my awareness in the fact that we of Chinese descent are being looked down upon because we chose not to be like the "Whites". Therefore, the World looks upon us as Barbarians. Thank you. I believe this ad just made it to my attention.

Of course, this picture may have just wanted to show that the organization needs support in gaining human rights; however, this picture sets a tone that arises in me a feeling of hatred, shows a monstrous immoral act that accuses the Chinese and lays down something I cannot accept. You may not accept my interpretation, but that is just what it is. It is the way I see it.

Oh, and if you need more postcolonialism evidence, I am sure the internet provides that and more. All anyone needs to do is search "black people" or any racist terms and I am certain, the worst results will come on the screen. After all, racism is quite common, don't you think?