Power, power, power ... problem-free!

Generations of people have loved and are still loving Hello Kitty today so why can't you? After all, so many people do love Hello Kitty and such evidence is displayed almost everywhere! Everywhere you go, you can say I have just seen a Hello Kitty item. Obviously then, this concludes that Hello Kitty is what everybody needs in their lives. Besides, Hello Kitty is so easy to love! Once you love Hello Kitty, you can be happy. Then if you are more happy, then everybody around you would be smiling. Of course, if everybody around is spreading the smiles, everyone will be affected by the love! Then they will start connecting more and be friends. After that, the whole world would be affected! Once the whole wide world is being happy, there would not be problems like wars or battles! Therefore, loving Hello Kitty can make everyone happy and problem free! Now, see here? Loving Hello Kitty can solve your problems and everyone else's too. So, loving Hello Kitty is obviously, the most obvious choice. Besides, whoever says that loving Hello Kitty is bad means they have no taste in life. Do you not see how much Hello Kitty items are sold every year? If so many people like Hello Kitty, then the people who don't is the ones who don't understand what it means to be a human. As well, Hello Kitty can help so many people! One Hello Kitty doll can make even a sick or disabled child happy. The colours that Hello Kitty wears are of brightness and happiness. For a child who has been discouraged to live his or her life, Hello Kitty can at least bore a little of the pain and allow for a moment of happiness. So, should you not buy a Hello Kitty to make yourself cheer up a little for your bad day? Anyways, you either love Hello Kitty or you don't. If you do, then obviously, you understand what it means to be cool and what it means to be happy. If you don't, then please try not kill yourself because you don't have happiness in your life.  

A Man

Kim Edwards’ novel, The Memory Keeper’s Daughter is a memorable piece of literature that describes a man’s and a woman’s decision and the consequences that they both must deal with. The book started to unravel its plot when a man, Dr. David Henry, made a choice of abandoning his child because she had Down syndrome, and a woman, who was Dr. Henry’s assistant named Caroline Gill, decided to raise the abandoned child. It seems like there are two main protagonists introduced in this book, but in my opinion, Doctor David Henry is the star of the show.

Throughout the book, it describes how the Henrys' have to deal with the decision Dr. Henry made and how Caroline lives with the child. Here, I think the main focus is the decision Dr. Henry made and therefore, I concluded that he is the main character since he is the one that made the choice that affected the people around him and his world.

Dr. David Henry is described as an “attentive [and] assessing” man who has a lean face and “brown hair with a reddish tinge” (Edwards 27). He is also mysteriously described by Caroline that “he was not distinguished, yet there was something in his stance, his manner – some quiet alertness, some quality of listening—that set him apart” (Edwards 27). Dr. Henry, as well, is secretive about his past and someone who keeps to himself, or so is my impression after reading a passage that explains how he does not ever make a reference to his past nor actually spend a lot of time with the people he works with; however he is presented to me as an elegant, passionate man who seems weary and old. Perhaps, it is his job as an orthopaedic surgeon that makes him seem tired in my impression throughout reading the chapters especially since he is bearing the decision of abandoning their child yet having to keep it as a secret from his wife.

Dr. David Henry conflicts with himself through the whole book with his decision to abandon his baby girl. Of course, since Caroline ‘adopted’ the child and sends pictures and letters back to him, his wife does find out. However, before all that, when the wife learns, after the birth, that her baby girl ‘died’, she does through a hard transition and this is where Dr. Henry has the worst stress. He has to face his wife every day and make her believe in the lie he made while feeling the guilt in his mind.

It was appalling and tear-jerking when I stumbled upon the scene where David makes his choice and it is right at the beginning. Even though I knew it was going to happen, I could not stomach the feeling I faced when reading this scene and I did not believe I could get through the book at all. But as I read, I understood David Henry was a normal man faced with pressure and despair who made a mistake that followed him all the way to his death.

His reason to abandon his daughter who had an illness was because he did not want to go through the heartache of losing her when she grows up. He experienced a similar problem with his sister who died at a tender age of twelve. David did not want himself nor his wife to face what, he believed to be inevitably a lost cause for his daughter. Therefore, he chose to calmly give his daughter away and hope she will live happily until her early end.

Dr. David Henry is a character I believe that is unique in his own way because he does not remind me of any character but of a parent. This situation I read about reminds me of the way parents try to support themselves yet at the same time, trying to give their children a sense of security that blocks away pain. Well, actually, I think I lied. He reminds me of Jodi Picoult’s My Sister’s Keeper. The mother in that book had created a ‘twin’ of sorts to save her daughter, in order to fulfill her selfish wish to keep her daughter alive and save herself the pain. Here, David Henry abandons his daughter because he selfishly doesn’t want to grieve for a child he believes that will die early. This is what makes me believe that David is a normal man. No human is perfect and the first person we want to protect is ourselves. Otherwise, I doubt we have a survival instinct at all. And here, Dr. Henry shows this selfish wish to not hurt himself, but ironically, he still suffers because of the choice he made. Thus, this is why, I believe, Dr. David Henry is just a man like the rest of us who will make mistakes and perhaps, we’ll be like him and grieve for the choice we made in our past. 

Malva and Orpheus

For Valentine's Day, I don't think I ever quite liked this special occasion since it comes with a lot of painful memories... but to give out my heart to someone who's been in my life and supported me really was an encouragement. So to the person who has my heart, I present this poem to him.

On the cherry blossom tree

You gave your life for me

The red that appears

On that silvery sheen

I am your Malva

And you are my Orpheus

It seems like the situation is the same

For it appears to be

That I’m destined for my own

The violin whispers through the wind

And your voice carries through

The melodies of the strings

The waves roar out the melody

That you wrote for me

As if the earth knew what you were to me

And the snow glistens

As the melodies grow louder

and the peace is forever remembered

in this cool dark night

where we once shared a couple kisses

under the evergreen tree

The lights suddenly turn on

And your pitch black eyes

Stare right into mine

Without a doubt

Nor hesitation

You said,

You love me.

Droplets of salt water

Came rushing down

Because I know you’ll be away

By tomorrow’s rising dawn

But I don’t care

And I just smile

Because I know

You love me

This happiness that does not dare

To disappear, and with the glow

That brightens you

The melodies by Mother Earth

Comes alive

As the fireworks in the night

Explode with colour and bright

Here, as the snow creates the land

And the water bounds the graves

I can only say

Staring right back at you

With this glass in between,

I love you. 

This poem was created for the intention of speaking out our memories and our past that we shared together. This person, who I wanted to give, is a person of kindness and... just a normal unique boy who I happen to love. 
It's a simple poem really, stating the experiences of how we met and how we ended. It's nothing special but at the same time, it's something that speaks of the importance between the past that we shared. I would like to give a valentine's letter with this poem in mind, to remind... perhaps, myself, of how much I still love him. 

The Courage to be Me

     In life, we meet many obstacles and challenges that change who we are. Sometimes, the greatest challenge or obstacle we need to or will face is with ourselves. I have seen movies and read books where the protagonist had to face himself orherself to reach happiness and stated that it is ourselves who usually hinder our growth. I never would have thought that this would apply to me unil I started a Christian School.
     I was once bullied. I was a new student at a Christan private school where kindness and "love thy neighbour as thyself" are preached and spread around like law (Romans 13:9). I entered as a chubby, bossy and prideful child or you could say, a spoiled and happy apple in my parents' eye; however, as the whispers and rumors filled the air around the school, I quickly learned the cruelty of others and I changed.
     On the fourth day of the first week in September, one of my worst memories and the start of everything began. That terrible day was accompanied by a cool breezy but sunny weather, seemingly mocking me as the day went on. The bell had rung and the whole class, with the sweaty boys and the girls with too much make-up on, were standing outside the heavy black door, waiting for our teacher to let us in. The heavy door opened with a groan as if it was under great stress. A strict blond woman then strolled out and motioned us one by one to walk through the doorway while checking off our names on her ratty clipboard. I felt as if we were prisoners, chained with unbreakable bonds, marching off into the gallows. I stood at the end of the line, waiting for the call of my death, but I was calm for a presence of lavender and home stood strong with me. My mother was this angel's name. She was angry, though, for the reason that I did not complete my homework because I left it at school which I had never done before. I was acting as submissive as a wolf would be to his alpha when the last of my classmates went through the door. Then came a moment as if it was in a movie when the blond woman, my teacher at this time, connected with my eyes where the wind calmed and the birds stopped singing. Perhaps, others could call this as when time seemed to have stood still.
     Right after that moment of what I felt like was for hours, my mother began to talk. She talked long and determined as if there was no end to my mistake. I drifted off into my own world to try to escape reality as I stared at my teacher's feathery blond hair as it glistened when the sun shone upon it. When she stopped, all was quiet for about a minute. Then I was brought back to life when the teacher's lips pursed together and her serene face now turned into a scorned banshee. I got detention she stated. Grudgingly, I turned towards my mother for a hug and goodbye. Her scent of lavender and home calmed me once more and filled me with courage to see this day through. So, I bravely took steps towards the bland, gray walls of the school which were looking more and more like a juvenile prison or the rumored detention halls. The air seemed tense as my teacher walked along side with me, up the stairs. As I stopped to change out of my soiled, brown shoes into white flats, I glanced at my teacher who happened to look like a hawk waiting for her prey and a perfect chance to swoop in. Yet the moment was still peaceful, but even that peace did not stop me from sweating into the cool air as we entered the classroom.
     As the bell had already rung, every student in the class was in their stairs, ready to start. When the teacher and I walked in, all heads turned and I felt like I was a special display at a circus.  Gingerly, I hooked up my backpack and prepared myself for the day. At this time, the teacher stood at the front of the class and called me up. She then started to ramble with a huff about students keeping up and priorities. She asked the now inquisitive and curious class who did their homework and all hands raised up. By this time, I was sweating uncontrollably once more and my stomach felt like several weights had been dropped down onto it.
     When I focused back to the classroom, I realized the teacher looked at me with a glint in her eyes. She then said, "Now here is a student who has not done her share of the work. Do you happen to know what the consequence is, Kitty?"
     It was a rhetorical question, I realized, so I dropped my gaze down and postured myself submissively, preparing for another lecture I happen to garner onto myself once more. The woman in formal attire, who I truly believed was the devil in disguise, turned to the class and ignored me for the time being. She then continued on to state the consequences which I felt were unnecessary to repeat over and over as the class probably had heard this speech a billion times by now. As she finished off her rant, I was released back towards my seat. When I went to sit back down, I felt millions of eyes staring me down as if I was an inferior insect that deserved nothing but death.
     That day, I was relentlessly mocked, teased and put down. Unlike boys, who beat each other up, girls tended to use a tactic of the mind to break me down. I felt like an animal raised in a glass cage where others could see of my humiliation and spit on me as if I was a spit bucket. For the next three years, the situation continued as I endured more belittling, ignorance and exclusion. Those three years, I had felt like I was in jail, paying for invisible crimes, as a freak of nature, or as a pet raised for the sole reason of venting of anger and frustration. These years had twisted and molded me into a child with extreme low self-esteem and bottles of explosive hatred, ready to expand as incidents continued to be collected or ready to blow as even one wrong phrase was uttered. At times, I wanted to lashed out to my tormentors but I knew, resistance was futile as it just gave them more incentive to hurt me like I had no feelings or I was not a human being at all.
     In these three years, I had turned from an arrogant apple in my parents' eyes to a fearful, untrusting child. I grew with hatred, believing in all my misfortunes stemmed from those "beatings" I had taken. I began to see my life wilt in my mind and my will to survive deteriorate. I had also quickly feel into depression as I entered high school but I knew, I wouldn't even survive backstabbing words or misunderstood sentences from ignorant teenagers. So, I made masks. From an optimistic and always happy friend to a polite but shy girl, I constructed and used more than five masks. It always hurt to view myself as I used these masks and know I would never have the courage to be like them; however, instead of seeing myself as a coward, I placed all blame towards my tormentors.
     Then, it seemed as if angels came for me. Maturity and support came along and picked me up. They showered me with brilliant words and a beam to support my growth. It was hard enough going on a journey, knowing I had to forgive but I persevered. Yet, I forgot to take into account that my greatest obstacle was not to forgive but to recognize who I was. My greatest challenge turned to be facing myself.
     Through the paths I chose to take and through the thorns and vines I had to cut through, I knew that it was my fault for turning out the way I was. It was hard, extremely hard, to unravel my inner self and shine it with light to be rid of the darkness. I fell many times as bruises and scratches appeared upon my body as a reward, but I continued on the path of healing. Lessons I have learned through this journey have molded me into someone that sees things with a different perspective.
     People have to face themselves as an obstacle at least one time in their lives because most often, it is us who place a wall of defense to lessen the hurt of others. This wall of defense becomes a part of life we have to face to get over the problem or the pain. Yet, when we battle ourselves, we are hurt the most because we know what our weaknesses are. But we have to move past this wall to be the person we could be. In the end, the battle that needs to be won, or the war that needs to overcome is the one with ourselves. Without winning, we will never be able to move on; however, there will be many times we lose but the power is in us to fight it again because we are the ones that can have the courage to be ourselves.